Jan 24, 2020
In the second part of the chat I had with Sue, we explore Massive mistakes 6-10, in women who are busting a gut to be invincible. If you haven't caught part 1, mistakes 1-5, then check it out, its Episode 19.
6. If you want something doing ....you know the rest
This can be related to control, perfectionism and appreciation.
Will delegating this to someone else actually take longer and maybe wont be as good as you could have done it yourself and probably in less time?
I raise the point could it also be about someone else getting the praise and recognition for your idea?
the issue of control is huge in many aspects of life and its need for can be deep rooted, but it is a huge factor with many of the fertility clients I see, so this was of particular interest to me. is this something you recognise in yourself?
As with all the mistakes we discussed, the issue here is is it creating a negative response, could you be living your life better and fuller?
What is it from your past that triggers this, what is the root cause? it links into many of the other mistakes, but especially 10.
7. My body will somehow keep going regardless
Sue discusses how having a slipped disc and supposedly for 6 weeks didn't mean that she was actually off work, just not in the office physically. She explains how this was detrimental to her recovery and how he feels this was linked to control and again perfectionism.
We discuss how for both of us having an auto immune disease was a huge wake up call, and that looking back we could recall the gentle and not so gentle nudges our body gave us, until ultimately we were in effect thrown to the ground.
What signs is your body giving you about your health and more specifically your fertility? What is bleed telling you. You'd be surprised just how much this can tell you. If you haven't seen it already you can get my free download here.
8. List make the world go around
Are you a list maker? I am, but a much more productive list maker now. Sue raised the point of people adding some thing that they had already done to their list just so they can tick it off. I had to put my hand up and admit to doing that!
what is that about? achievemnet, evidence of how ell you are doing, or does it shoe you at he end of the day that you havent achieved what you had wanted. then what does tha evok? Oh well, tomorrow is another day, that means I'm behind, Ive fgot so much more to do, or perhaps a sense of failure.
Our dear friends control and perfectionism rear their heads, appreciation, recognition, they are there too.
We both discussed our list strategies and Sue explained how she makes 2 lists, one for her and one for the universe, which is something I too do now, but I also link my planning to my monthly menstrual cycle. Something else I'll discuss in more detail soon.
If this isn't something that sits comfortably with you, I can give you the science in a later episode. A taster is the Reticular Activating system in your brain, its a super algorithm basically that gives you information relative to what you are thinking about! a bit like, pages you may like on Facebook based on what you like already, or programmes you may like on Netflix, a suggested for you if you like.
9. I can't trust my own judgement
this brings up self doubt, self trust and I suggested that this may be affected by your monthly cycle, particular periods of stress, overwhelm or reactions to events, or it could be a constant.
Sue also discusses how this may include comparing yourself to others and this is something key in fertility. These days 12 week scan pictures just appear on your social media feed, pregnant women and pregnant women stories are everywhere. This again links back the reticular activating system, but also as Sue has raised, aspects of your life, childhood, relationships and the associated emotional triggers.
Does this resonate? Can you link this back to your childhood or relationships? S elf labelling is key too. Im no good at...... Something you may have been told as a child, and quite unintentionally, not with malice.
10. if I ask for help, and I'm a failure
We discuss how if a friend were to ask you for help, you would, you'd be happy to, and you don't consider them a failure do you? That maybe you should treat yourself as you would a friend. letting someone help makes them feel good, so perhaps you can view it as doing good for someone else in asking?
It also comes back to something we said earlier in that you are not a mind reader, so are you considering yourself a failure?
Sue gave the analogy of us seeing ourselves as an incredible mountainthat just can do everything and is invincible. It will just go on somehow just taking more and more on load it, But the reality is we can't and perhaps we're actually punishing ourselves.
We also discussed the communication barrier between logoc and emotion lead thinking. rather than wanting someone to understand and guess what we need, we have to ask specifically for it.
I talked about a conversation I overheard with my son and two of his friends ( they are 11 years old) I heard one of the boys say women are so complicated!
My ears pricked up. And he said, so when they say they're fine, they don't mean that. They are not Fine. Fine doesn't mean fine, but you don't know what they mean,
A broad generalisation, but he's 11, it relates to the logic and emotion though.
I asked sue about how she works with people, and she explains how she works intuitively towards healing, past events, experiences that have shaped us today.
" I'd rather help people make the changes now before they get to a crisis point with their health. So that they can they can start making those changes before they get to the real low point of everything falling apart and collapsing.
Because if you continue to live life this way, it's not a case of IF you'll get sick, it's a case of WHEN, it is inevitable.
And, you know, we need to live life to the full every day because life can be good and fun and brilliant, and why shouldn't it be ? "
if you wouldlike to know more about Sue, you can find her at www.sue-ritchie.com